If It’s To Be, It’s Up To Me
Let me start by asking you a question: How many of you right now would like to feel a little bit happier by the end of this episode? I know everybody’s raising their hand because who doesn’t want to feel happier?! Seeing the glass not just half full but overflowing.
Happiness is an emotion that comes naturally to me. And I’ve always been curious as to why. I set out to read books on optimism, mindset, and happiness, and it was during a conversation with a fellow coach that I learned about Marci Shimoff Schema’s book and certification program, “Happy for No Reason”.
The title alone just stopped me in my tracks. Yes, that’s me! I thought, just happy for no reason. So I immediately purchased the book and a year later, I enrolled to become a Certified “Happy for No Reason” Trainer. I had finally unlocked the why behind some people’s abilities to bounce back quicker than others.
How is it possible for everyone to increase their resilience and happiness levels by learning how to use some simple tools? In today’s episode, I’m going to share three steps that can help you not only increase your resilience when life challenges hit but also have you increase your ability to see that glass half full.
Maybe you begin to see it overflowing like me.
Your Dare for the episode is to sit by yourself in silence for 60 minutes. After the 60 minutes, write down what is top of mind.
Happiness is in self-awareness
The first key or the foundation to feeling happier overall is by understanding one important thing: Happiness is an inside job and we are 100% responsible for our happiness.
How can my happiness not be affected by the economy when it sucks? Or my boss being a jerk? Or my grown kids ghosting me because they live far away and they just don’t feel like talking to me. It is simple. While life’s challenges can knock us down, bringing on all those feelings of sadness and stress and anger and frustration, they’re also here to teach us something, usually something about ourselves. So this is all about self-awareness.
Laying a strong foundation for feeling happier from the inside out is about becoming self-aware of what’s going on. And the first step in building your strong foundation toward what Marci Shimoff calls ‘your inner home of happiness’ is to become aware of the saboteurs that are robbing us of our happiness.
One big saboteur is living your life as a victim versus the victor. And that comes with identifying if you’re caught in blaming, shaming, and complaining. Blaming, shaming, and complaining are sabotaging. And also robbing you of your happiness. When you’re blaming, shaming, and complaining, you are living in a victim mentality of your life versus the victor of your life.
There is a powerful quote from Victor Frankl from his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” that expresses this perfectly:
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. There may have been fewer numbers, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man or woman. But one thing that lasts for all human freedom. To choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances to choose one’s way.”
Being a victim or a victor of and in your life is a choice but you first have to be aware that you’re in the blame, shame, and complaint space. We’re not even aware of how we’re blaming, shaming, and complaining. What we do and say, and think can become a subconscious habit.
Dare of the Week
Are you ready for your dare? Here is my dare of the week to help bring you full happiness:
Step one of your dare is we’re going to bring your thoughts to the conscious awareness of how you’re blaming, shaming, and complaining.
You’re going to grab a pen, a piece of paper, or a journal. You’re then going to write down these four sentences and you’re going to complete them:
- Something I blame is…
- Something I complain about is…
- Something I shame myself for is…
- If I were to take a little more responsibility for my happiness, I would…
Finish those sentences to start that inside work and bring awareness about your blaming, shaming, and complaining.
Step two is to begin to pay attention to the conversations you have with other people.
Are you going out to lunch with your bestie and all you’re doing is complaining about money and everything and everybody? That’s not doing anybody any good, especially yourself. What’s keeping you in this victim mentality? Think about how it’s sabotaging your ability to raise your happiness level, which sabotages your ability to increase resilience, to bounce back from life challenges.
If you notice that your conversations are negative and blaming, shaming, and complaining, be the one to pause them. And be intentional to shift the conversation to positive outcomes instead of blaming, shaming, and complaining.
Step three is to notice how you begin to feel inside when you start to identify how you’re sabotaging yourself. With blaming, shaming, complaining, and the conversations you’re having with other people, you can shift that. So you’re bringing it to your awareness and then you shift it.
Notice how you feel inside. Do you feel lighter? Do you feel a little happier, a little more positive, and a little more optimistic?
Let me know if this dare has worked for you!